Paris Hilton on Existential Risks from Artificial Intelligence

Following up on Elon Musk‘s recent comments at MIT on the dangers of artificial intelligence, h+ Magazine decided to get together for an interview with another wealthy and important AI expert, celebrity heiress, DJ, and superhacker Paris Hilton.

h+: Hi Paris, thanks for agreeing to this interview on such short notice. Can you give us a quick idea of what you are you up to these days?

Paris: I’m an actress, a brand, a businesswoman. A DJ and an AI programmer. I’m all kinds of stuff.

h+: So how did you first get interested in AI research?

Paris: First I wanted to be a veterinarian. And then I realised you had to give them shots to put them to sleep, so I decided I’d just buy a bunch of animals and have them in my house instead.

With AI it was sort of the same thing.

h+: Paris, do you think that artificial intelligence poses an existential threat to humanity?

Paris: All you have to do in life is go out with your friends, party hard, and look twice as good as the bitch standing next to you. So no.

h+: What about the Singularity and the rise of a greater than human intelligence?

Paris: I’m not a kid anymore. And I’m excited for all the amazing things to come. The AI will take care of itself.

h+: Well, what about the idea that an artificial intelligence would extend itself into the universe converting all available matter into resources for computation?

Paris: That’s Hot!

h+: Ok, so how do you think we should control potentially dangerous AIs?

Paris: A true heiress is never mean to anyone – except a girl who steals your boyfriend. 

h+: Isaac Asimov proposed three rules for robots to ensure that they were safe and wouldn’t harm humans. Do you think AIs can be built that follow Asimov’s Three Laws?

Paris: The only rule is don’t be boring and dress cute wherever you go. Life is too short to blend in.

h+: How can we ensure the development of friendly AI?

Paris: I have this great test to see if a girl’s a real friend. When we’re shopping I’ll pick out an outfit that I know looks hot and one that is awful. If my friend says the bad one looks good, I know she’s not a good friend.

h+: Thanks Paris for your time and all of your amazing insights into the field of artificial intelligence.

Paris: My pleasure! Some girls are just born with glitter in their veins! 🙂

[This article is a satire and is not a transcript of an actual interview with Ms. Hilton.]